FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

It shouldn't be a motto, it should be an understanding that nothing comes easy in life. It's a realization that those with the determination and drive will also be those who are victorious. To fight is to accept nothing less than greatness from yourself and nothing less than success from the situation. To fight means to bear your scars knowing that you are not the only one imperfect in this world, and in doing so you touch the souls of those around you. To fight is to redeem yourself, uphold your values and to never give into the circumstances. To fight is not my motto, but rather my lifestyle and one which I will never concede.

Tupac - Changes [OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO] *HD*

"Survive"

As a son of a mother who has beaten cancer 3 times I don't consider her a "Survivor". As a man with a very rare and difficult congenital heart disease, I don't consider myself a "Survivor". As many people among us consider themselves and other "Survivors" I have to smirk and look away. I don't consider "Surviving" as a tag or nameplate anybody should wear. I don't consider it because I believe that going through what we go through and getting to the other side is more than mere "Survival". "Surviving" to me is the most basic form of living. To "Survive" is to sit there and allow your body and this moment to take you in the direction it so chooses. But that is not what we do. We strive harder to find new remedies. We endure countless hours of pain, turmoil and struggle to achieve a goal that isn't simply summed up by "Surviving". We are given 2 options, Fight or Die. That's it, that's all and nothing else. To just live may be considered "Surviving" but we do more than just living. We push ourselves, others and the world to not only notice the struggle but to change the world for the better so less people have to struggle. We change the way people think, act and interact. We become contributing members in EVERYDAY society and we do all of this WHILE we struggle. We don't just simply "Survive" we THRIVE and ENDURE moments that the strongest of people would wince at and we, for the most part do it with no disdain for the fight we're in. We do it with hope and understanding that if we do not push ourselves and if we do not force the envelope past the expectations of others then we ourselves may never see another day. Then we see that day and we smile for it is through our sweat, tears and struggle that we have made this day possible. We take but a moments breath and then push on because we can never grow complacent in the moment, for our struggle shall and will always be present. We don't just simply "Survive" we alter our today, your tomorrow and the worlds future.

Good and Evil

I contemplate to gain clarity. Thinking for me is like a road racer going through the course in their mind so as to eliminate any surprises or mistakes, making themselves familiar with the road ahead before they get there. I like to ponder the meaning of things so I can understand my place in this world better. Life hasn't been an easy road and it surely hasn't been one that has been predictable by any means. But now more than ever I need to focus on the path and the road ahead. I have to find my balance and secure my feet beneath me. I can equate my life to the epic battle between good and evil often played out on the big screen. But my evil comes from within me and there isn't an escape from it. It twists and turns my fate daily and measures my resolve every chance it gets. It makes me think and re-think my options and decisions and while it forces me to struggle at times it in turn makes me stronger for having to do so. Just as in the big screen, at times evil takes an upper hand and just as the movie progresses you see good slowly gaining momentum and ultimately winning the battle. But for me winning the battle does not mean banishing evil or riding the world of it. It means quiet serenity for just one moment, a smile or a time where I can breathe in and out and focus on the air filling my lungs. It means having the mind and the ability to think of the road ahead and prepare for those dangerous curves. For me beating evil is going to bed at night and having the strength and grace to wake up the next morning to meet my life long adversary. This is not a battle to be won, just one I hope to endure!

Rise

"Rise"

By Eddie Vedder

Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow

Gonna rise up
Burning black holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold

Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole

What to Say

I can't honestly think of what I want to say. It's a combination of fear, anger, frustration, shock and exhaustion all rolled into a language that only my mind and body can understand. It's not something easily interpreted by any modern language and it's not something said in everyday passing. It's a feeling about a moment endured in which my will and determination were tested, my perseverance questioned and my desire for life heightened. It's something inside me that I want to yank out and study for the future to not only know how it works but to help myself from future moments like this. I am speechless but I have a lifetime of things to say. I am here but here seems to be nowhere at this time and I am quiet although every bit of me is screaming. I don't know if I will ever think of the proper words and I'm not even sure that they truly do exist or ever will. But I do know that moments that have changed me have done so permanently and have left me wondering what to say.

Ding Ding Ding

My perception hasn't been the same lately. I struggle at times to peer through the clouds and see the lining around them. Often times I find myself convincing myself that the next step will be easier or the next challenge will surely go by quicker. It hasn't been getting easier though. In fact the challenges seem more like lessons in losing gracefully rather then lesson on how to beat anything. It takes a stronger mind to not only realize you can't win but to be able to get over that fact and be vigilant in the next task at hand. I've gone from a gallop, to a fast walk and down to a stand still. When you halt your movement from such a high rate of speed there are always bound to be moments where you slip and lose control. It's not control I lose though, it's focus on the road ahead of me and the ability to right the ship quickly and gracefully. I find myself slipping back to the most basic of my abilities and that is to just simply muscle through it, punch, kick and knock down forcefully anything that hinders my forward movement. I feel again like a prize fighter with bruised knuckles showing my life experience with war wounds and an animalistic desire to keep punching. I don't have the wit or the mental acuity to out think my opponent, so I barrel in head first flailing around like a windmill. God help those who get in front of my hands because I know not where the blows will land. My hopes are that they will find their way quickly to their intended target so that I can hear that bell ring and take but another moments rest till the next round.